Damed if she aint right!

Nothing like a friend who points out that your blogging posts lately have been shit. So I email her back and tell her that i have nothing to blog about, and she responds:


I think you are just flat-out unmotivated and you need to keep up the norm. It isn’t that you life is much more boring because you are at home vs. work….I mean, comon’….seriously….did work REALLY make your life THAT much more interesting? Hell no. Did you ever post about work? Rarely.

You are letting the job thing consume you (not that it wouldn’t consume me, too) but you need to get off you arse and do the things you enjoy doing. I don’t think that you started a blog because you were bored and had nothing better to do…you thought it would be fun and you could write AND “talk” at the same time (cuz you are very good at both). Nothing has changed….just because you don’t have a job doesn’t mean you have lost your creativity of being the REAL mom of Anna Nicole’s baby. How did work spark that up? I know you have a cpu at home….AND you have a TV, so you haven’t lost touch with the outside world.

You need to keep up the norm, as hard as it may be….blogging for you was fun so since you have more time on your hands then you used to, there is no reason that you can’t think of a good subject to blog about. Why didn’t we hear about your camping trip with J&A? That wasn’t interesting? There was something to blog about and you dropped it. SNAP OUT OF IT AND GET WITH IT!! You’re letting the whole depression-job thing consume you and you need to fight back…you are focusing on how your life is flipped upside-down and you need to keep with the small everyday things that you can control.

God, you just gotta love Krista don't you? She's right too, i have shit to blog about but i am fighting this mean ass bout with depression since losing my fking job! Some days i am consumed by anger, other days, I eat like i will never be able to buy groceries again. Some days I just stare at daytime TV, with my ass on the couch. I do get up and down to search the Internet and i go to our local workforce plus government agency to do whatever my most recent unemployment letter says I have to do to keep my shitty unemployment check. The check that I'm thankful for, yet bitter about because I SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS POSITION. Its been bit over a month since my lay-off and I've been interviewing, and i walk out feeling like i did well and then they hire someone else. Usually because i don't have experience in the field I'm interviewing for. However, the experience in my field, engineering admin, is worthless right now because no engineering firm is hiring. I just feel damned if i do and damned if i don't.

I took the hubs papa (his g-pa) to lunch today and felt guilty for spending 25 bucks. Papa C is elderly (of course) and lives in a senior apartment building and is always lonely and i know this. For months i have been trying to get over there to take him to lunch, spend some time with him.......whatever...... and never did.

Today i happen to ride by the apartment complex and thought of him. So after the obligatory meeting at the workforce center, i called him and went by. We had an awesome lunch, he ordered a beer (my MIL will prolly bitch at me for letting him order that beer---hahaha, anything that frosts her mug makes me happy! ---Need a beer papa? How bout a shot of tequila? Pass the joint dude, no double tokin'--lol)

But anyway, I loved spending those couple of hours with him! We had a great lunch, I went back to his apartment, straightened up a bit and looked at some old photo albums with him. He was in WWII, actually he retired from the military. The man is a library of history that hasn't been tapped. I am going back next week. I really enjoyed my time with him. I wonder why the hell I hadn't been to visit him any sooner. Shame on me. He is a part of the hubs family that has always been kind to me and treated me with respect and love. Shame on me for taking so long to spend time with him when i know, at 90 ish, he doesn't have another 20 years.

But with me feeling so good being THERE and about taking the time to be with him, I have to wonder if before the stars shine and i get another job.........if I'm supposed to be doing these things? Maybe i am being forced to endure some humility, learn to be a tad more humble, appreciate what i have more and to pay attention to those that I have overlooked because i was always on the go. This includes the kids, I've spend huge amounts of time with the kids in the afternoons, time I've never had before. Hell, I've been to the kids school more than i ever have. (Volunteering and school meetings and to just have lunch with them)

Maybe instead of whining and feeling like the sole of a hookers heal, those are the things that i am meant to do? I dunno. I just know that depression and 10 more pounds isn't going to pay the bills, and maybe if i am just doing the best i can, and doing things that make me feel emotionally good, and make others feel emotionally good, that everything will eventually work out.

But, just so you know, my husband is being an ass, a big fat dirty ass. He says its because the stress of me not having a job is getting to him. WTF does that mean? The stress of ME not having a job is getting to HIM? Lord, grant me the patience to change my hair scrunchies without wanting to place them around his neck. If this isnt do-able lord, please just give him some diarrhea because lately, he's been full of shit. Amen.