The truth is

I've become a total FaceBook Whore and have no idea what to do with this blog.

4boy will be 6 Next Tuesday

Publix will be providing cup cakes on Monday at which time i will pick them up from the bakery. I will be dropping my child and the cup cakes off on Tuesday morning at school.

I went with the publix cup cakes because if it's baked and i'm near it, it's either bought or brought.

In this instance i will be doing both. I will be buying it and bringing it.

I'm such a good mom!

There are 2 kinds of Classroom-Birthday Parents.

The kind that cringe every time someone invites them to their kids birthday party because your thinking.....Damn, there goes my whole Saturday (The party is always mid-day!) I'm broke and i have to find money to purchase a gift that doesn't make my kiddo look poor or his mother look cheap, and who am i going to talk to at this 2 hour hell fest event of screaming kids because I will know no one!

And then there is

The happy parent that gets that birthday invite and thinks "Oh how wonderful, I've been invited to share the day little so-n-so was born!" and cant wait to get to the store to purchase the greatest gift of all time (because they've been to so damn many that they know what each age group likes) and is oddly excited about the group of little angels who will spend their time together celebrating on a happy sun-shiny Saturday afternoon (She will work her personal/family plans around the party) and simply can-NOT stand the time that she will have to wait to "catch up" with the other mom's (Because it's been 3 days since they last saw each other while volunteering at school)

It takes both kind of parents to make this world. And i am only half-assed ashamed to tell you that i am the former parent. BECAUSE MY GOD, I HAVE 4 CHILDREN, I NEED NO MORE "KID PLANS" THAN WHAT I ALREADY HAVE!

Does anyone want to get me started on cup cakes at school for 30 kids?
(4boy will be 6 this month!!)

I've come to terms with the fact that:

I'm raising Lucifer, Medusa, and Brittany Spears.

My children are mostly ungrateful.

Someday they will appreciate my efforts in keeping them fed, clothed, and alive.

My home will never be as clean as i think it should be.

I never have enough money.

My family eats too much.

My husband will always have something to bitch about.

I will never use the bathroom alone again.

Hair conditioner is a necessity in my home.

My husbands hobbies cost too much money.

I will have to work forever to stay at a healthy weight.

Rarely, i get uninterrupted sleep.

I simply pee too much.

There's never enough time to see all the Dr. Specialist I need to see. (I.e. Gyno)

My children always come first.

My grandchildren, (Pray-tell they be nicer than my children) will probably come first too.

My make-up is never quite right.

My chop-shop nail guy will never ask me something in complete English.

My box of 500 business cards are basically for show only.

My son may grow up to be an inmate.

My Chihuahua /min-pin dog will never be fully potty trained.

It's ok to toss his ass outside in the cold until he shits someplace other than my rug.

When someone dies, at least in a big family, the claws come out.

There will always be an asshole in front of me that slams on the brakes when the light turns yellow.

Most VP's at banks play golf on Friday's, hence their service fees.

and finally, I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how sweet i am to strangers, how thoughtful i am to the people around me, how many times i bite my tongue and refrain from calling someone an idiot, that the gods of fate still allow my mother in law to breathe.

Jeze heather, that was ugly. OK Fine, I just wish she would have mouth surgury so she couldnt talk. For a fucking month.

Awe ............... man..............

The coach who usually coaches T-ball for 5boy is coaching machine pitch this year and 5boy just isnt ready for machine pitch, so i have this fear that we will get stuck with a coach that has a shitty practice schedule. It kills me when these coaches think that 2pm on a Saturday afternoon or 3pm on a Sunday is a great time to practice. I just need to say this to someone:

Your life may very well revolve around coaching and your sport but mine does not. I do this because my only son wants to, not because i want to. Pa-lease dont ruin my entire Saturday so you can toss the ball to my 5 year old for an hour. He is not pro yet so i dont feel this is necessary. Should he go pro, i promise to NOT bitch and complain and just show up with a smile on my face. Until then, could we please stick to 1-2 days a week after work.

ok, i feel so much better now. But man-o-man am i going to miss the awesome practice schedule of his old coach.

I officially have 2 teenagers in the house now. Middle child, 13girl is officially 13. I am also the proud parent of a 14yo who will turn 15 this year if i have the patience to sustain me until July.

God willing.

But i never thought i would see the day when my middle child became such an ass. She was the one that i still sorta liked. (Granted, i really, really liked them when they were younger and sweeter) She was the one who still cooked with me, talked to me AND kept her eyes centered while doing so, as opposed to them rolling around in every direction. But alas, it was fate that her being pleasant not continue. She has officially crossed over to the other side. Her eyes roll, her mouth is sarcastic and full of venom and her bedroom door is unable to close quietly. Now, it slams. Again, if god is willing, i will make it through her 'tude as well as her sisters.

The decision has been made.

After many conversations as to whether or not I should make macaroni salad for Christmas dinner along with our other side dishes, this is what it comes down to:

(An email I sent to mom this morning)

"We will be having mac salad because 14girl burned the spegetti noodles last night so i had to make my elbow noodles but then 12girl tasted the spegetti noodles and decided they didnt taste burned so i have all these already cooked elbow noodles so we are just having mac salad and thats that."

Like disciplining them for what they write in their diary.

4boy speaks to Santa Claus on a regular basis. I will catch him talking while he is playing by himself with his cars on the floor. Usually he just jabbers on about what he wants for Christmas and i simply perk up my ears a bit and listen but yesterday I caught him explaining to santa why he's been a pain in the ass lately. Mostly, he said things like "14girl was mean to me when mom and dad went to dinner so i had to kick her but then she was mean again so i told on her so dont be mad santa because i didnt even tell her she was a bitch, i just told her i was telling on her"

I just listened in shock.

He knows that if he says ugly words that we will wash his mouth out with soap AGAIN but he didnt exactly say them to us. He was having a private conversation with Santa that I was listening to.

I guess he should be able to just tell santa how he really feels.