Whats in a picture?

Mom posted a picture of herself, me and 13girl on her website. Those of you who read her probably think i am talking about the full body picture of the 3 of us. I'm not. I think Kat was the only one who commented, that i know for sure, who saw the first close up (Waist up) picture before i saw it, made a phone call to mom and then took it down myself. I wasn't nice to mom, bitching about how she could post such a horrible picture of me with no regards as to how i felt. In my mind, she picked out the worst picture and posted it. What she did was pick out the best picture of all of us and posted it. I simply didn't like it.

I didn't like what i saw. My face looks bloated. I don't feel bloated though. It looked like i was pregnant. I'm certainly not pregnant and wash your tongue in gas for thinking so. (Wait, not in gas, its too pricey, wash it with toilet water!) and can someone tell me why the hell i continue to wear my hair in a bun or up in a clip when it adds to the facial bloatation? But my hair? I'm comfortable with it up and out of my face, and when you have thick hair, that's a blessing; comfortable and out of your face.

So why does the picture look so shitty when i don't FEEL so shitty? I'm happy, well adjusted, strong......... i like me, i don't THINK i have any issues and i don't feel like I'm 180 pounds. I just feel normal, busy, ok. Granted, lately i've been tired but i ran out of multi-vitamins. I've been bitchier than usual but damn, the kids are nippin' at my heals like a yorkie lately. But that picture, it just looked "bad" to me. I didn't like what i saw.

When i ranted to mom about it, i told her that i looked like ass in that picture and she posted it! She of course said i looked fine in it and i was over reacting. I told her i looked fat in the photo. She said "if you don't like it change it" and i immediately thought about telling her to go to hell.

When she was 180 pounds (And we are built exactly the same) had she said that to me i would not have taken it so personally. But now, i immediately thought like everyone else does when someone who has lost 50 pounds tells them to lose weight if they don't like how heavy they are........ "Get off the cross lady, someone needs the wood" and that too, is just crappy. She wasn't shitty about telling me, she stated a fact.

In my mind i compared her to a republican, (Her head is spinning right now, i said the "R" word) ...... A republican, i could see her standing on a stage pointing to the crowd saying "I'm rich, why cant you be too?" like it's nothing, only she was saying."I did it, I'm thin, why cant you be too" of which I can. With a butt load of discipline and good groceries and meal planning and all that, I can indeed.

But I'm ok. I am happy, i like our meals, i suck at planning, and the only time my weight bothers me is when i see a picture. Hell, my hair bothers me then too. That's easily fixed if i would spend more than 3.9 seconds on it in the mornings and sometimes i do. But its that damn picture. Why am i so comfy in real life but when i see a picture i don't like it.

I don't see in a mirror what i see in a picture.

Why is that?

*This post was done in good ole fashioned rambling mode. Thinking and typing with no real train of thought so if you dont understand it......then you dont understand it. Oh, and dont any of you republicans come out of the closet to bitch, because it takes one to know one.